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The Slice: Let’s review our puddle procedures
It has been looking like Washington around here.
No, not the shrinking snow — the puddles.
We all know that, to many people in other parts of the country, the reality of Eastern Washington is virtually invisible. When individuals in North Carolina or New Hampshire think of the Evergreen State, they typically picture Seattle and the West Side. You know, rainy Washington.
And so, I suppose that if they gave it any thought, they would assume everyone in Washington is up on puddle etiquette.
They would be wrong.
In the Inland Northwest, some of us have a long way to go before we claim to be puddle-savvy. So for those who need help, The Slice presents the Ten Commandments of Life with Puddles.
1. When driving, thou shall note the existence of pedestrians and cyclists and make every reasonable effort to avoid splashing them with mini-tsunamis from water-filled potholes. (This rule is sometimes condensed to “Don’t be a jerk.”)
2. When on foot, thou shall not assume that a puddle isn’t deep. (The first time you go in up to your shin, you’ll understand the reason for this one.)
3. Thou shall wear sensible footwear. (Hey, it’s puddle season. Think.)
4. When comparing large puddles to regional bodies of water, thou shall say, “It was about the size of Priest Lake.” (For some reason, that just sounds better than some of the other choices. Experiment and see for yourself.)
5. After getting splashed by a passing car, thou shall resist the temptation to salute said driver with a single finger. (It might have been unintentional or unavoidable, after all.)
6. After drenching a pedestrian or cyclist with a wall of slush splatter when your truck barreled through a berm-fed street crater, thou shall refrain from cackling and saying, “Yee ha, Darrel! See that? Got him good!”
7. Thou shall not attempt to imitate Sir Walter Raleigh by placing one’s cloak over a puddle. (In 2008, women will just find that weird.)
8. Thou shall notice all the oil/gas-caused street rainbows and resolve to get serious about finding out what all of us can do to help protect our groundwater.
9. Thou shall not complain about potholes and rant about how we’re trying to do street repaving/repair on the cheap if thou has opposed every infrastructure tax proposed since 1962.
10. Thou shall not smirk when seeing someone attempt to long-jump over a puddle and fall short. (Next time, it might be you.)
“Today’s Slice question: Do certain people in your household resent that you have Presidents Day off?