TUBOB’s New Year’s Resolutions

As the New Year awakens, much like a red faced little infant crying and tossing in his crib with full diapers irritating his little baby butt and unleashing an angry shriek blasting mommy and daddy from their deep post-champagne and pre-hangover drunk coma — here are my top 10 resolutions for 2008, all attempting to hold true to my motto “Let’s be really good in 2008!”

1. Blog more and interact with actual people less. Real people are just walking silos of disappointment. Blogs come with delete functions and reload keys. And you can insert YouTubes whenever you want and not care if anyone even clicks on them.

2. Drink more booze. I expect 2008 will be another brutish year marked by the continued plummet of this once soaring country into the rank cesspool of steaming decay and decline stirred and filled by the Republican Dogs of War and their cowardly Democratic Kittens of Appeasement. Becoming an apathetic (yet witty) drunkard and ignoring the death of this nation is the only solution.