The Slice: Here’s your do-si-do dictionary

The year 2012 will be here before we know it.

That’s when the big National Square Dance Association convention comes to Spokane.

We’ll want to make those folks feel welcome, of course. So it might be a good idea to start familiarizing ourselves with square dance terminology. Don’t want to wait until the last minute.

With that goal in mind, The Slice presents a highly unofficial glossary. Be sure to check with your doctor before taking any actions based on this list.

Active couples: Men and women who get up off the couch/recliner.

Back by the left: Refers to someone who should be watched, someone who is not a conservative.

Ladies chain: Term dating to the “swinging ‘70s” era of square dancing, not acknowledged by dancers today.

One below: An out-of-fashion step requiring one dancer to lie on the floor.

Cast off: When a dancer is flung into the turnbuckle.

Circle right: Another allusion to the fact that most square dancers vote Republican.

Down the center and back: An exhausting drill employed by hard-nosed square dance coaches.

Do-si-do: A coded expression meaning “Your ex just arrived.”

Foot: Dancing apparatus found just below the ankle.

Head: When a square dancer directs the ball toward the goal with his or her noggin.

Honor: Actress who played Pussy Galore in a Bond flick.

Inactive couples: Surgeon General’s description of married Americans who do not dance.

Promenade: A preening square dance step that certain guys manage to make truly annoying.

Half Promenade: Same thing only not quite so irksome.

Star by the right: Yet another reference to the dominant political persuasion of square dancers.

Swing: A gymnastic move in which the women grab the men by the ankles and whirl them around.

Belle: The sound of two men being swung colliding head-on-head.

Dangle: A term used in plaid-free nudist square dancing.

Hot hash: A square dancer’s stolen dope.

Square your sets: A caller’s instruction meaning “Hey, watch your hands there, pal!”

Allemande: A thick sauce.

Schwing: Means the dancers have achieved a real rapport.

Corner: Where square dancers go to get stitched up between rounds.

Stir the bucket: Invitation to switch from square to slam-dancing.

“Slice answer: “I must say that living by the Spokane Gun Club would help anyone living out here distinguish the difference between gun shots and fireworks,” wrote Trina Fletcher.

“Today’s Slice question: How many people around here view the high price of gas as a net plus for society?