The Slice: So much for her ‘not much’ response

Do you ever have anything to report when people ask, “What’s new?”

A grocery cashier I’ve known for years does. She won a new car at a local casino.

So, for a while anyway, she can set her small-talk thinking cap on cruise control.

“It’s time to stop doing impressions of Inspector Clouseau: As in, “Do you have a lee-sans for that minkey?”

“Just wondering: Do you particularly enjoy watching the local TV news on Saturday and Sunday because of the suspense of waiting to see what program glitches the weekend crews might come up with?

On Sunday, on one channel, video that went with a story about a body being found in the Spokane River suddenly featured the GU basketball graphic, “Bulldog Madness.”

It was just for a second. So I guess you could say, no harm/no foul.

“Today’s people-are-rotten story: Mindy O’Brien and her husband bought a Christmas tree at a South Hill lot and put it in the back of their pickup. Then they went to meet her parents at a restaurant. “I remember mentioning to my husband that we should park under one of the parking lot lights,” she said.

That didn’t keep someone from stealing the tree, of course.

How holly jolly.

But O’Brien’s story has a not-everybody-is-rotten ending. When the couple went back to the same place to purchase a second, less expensive tree, one of the guys working there recognized them. After they told him their story, he gave them a new tree at no charge.

“Family Phrases Department: Kathy Hansen’s daughter Amy was about 2 when she would hear references to her big sister “spending the night” or “sleeping over” at a friend’s house. Young Amy turned this into “spending the over,” which became a family classic.

Sort of sounds like gambling lingo.

“Saturday Slice quiz winner: Jim Allen wasn’t the first to submit the right answer, Henry J. Kaiser. But I’m declaring him the winner on the basis of attitude.

Allen wrote, “If correct, do I have to take the reporter’s notebook?”

Yes.

“Correction: Last week’s Slice reference to a long-ago Spokane newscaster got his name wrong. The correct spelling is Leigh Hess.

“Today’s Slice question: The other day, I received this hilariously hostile e-mail from a guy who began his rant “With all due respect” and signed off with “Peace.”

What’s your own best example of openings or closings that did not match the tone of the rest of a message?