The Slice: ‘Lilac City’ just no longer seems in step

I‘ve given it a chance.

But after long and careful consideration, I have concluded that as a nickname for Spokane, “Lilac City” just doesn’t do it for me.

I don’t mean to offend those emotionally attached to that time-honored sobriquet. I’m just saying I have come to realize I’ll never be enthusiastic about it.

“One recurring letters to the editor theme I could live without: The idea that if you care about the welfare of animals you are a nut with screwed-up priorities who must be blasé about the suffering of humans.

“People vs. exercise machines: Carol Woodward was in a department store and saw a really nice treadmill. She decided to try it.

So she stepped on and flipped the switch.

“I went flying,” wrote Woodward.

She was not hurt. Not physically anyway.

“As I looked up from the floor all I could see was my husband and son laughing their fool heads off and walking off like they didn’t know who the exercise guru lying on the floor was.”

Linda Fabrizius recalled the first time her husband used a certain piece of exercise equipment the couple had purchased.

“He flew backward and crashed into our ironing board, many pictures on the wall, a filing cabinet and half of our closet.”

That machine was soon the subject of a newspaper classified ad.

Mary Selby was in a gym with her husband when, distracted by a TV, she stepped on a treadmill she hadn’t realized was running. “My feet flew out from under me and I landed flat on my face, my shoulder and ego badly bruised. My husband claims to this day he didn’t see me fall, but I think he was too ashamed to admit he actually knew me.”

You know those big, inflated rubber balls people wallow on for stretching, exercise and physical therapy? Well, Owen Fullmer once lost his balance on one and put his foot through a pane of glass. “I got a nasty little cut and haven’t tried it again.”

Forrest Schuck said none of these sorts of mishaps should really come as a surprise.

“Judging by the way I feel after a couple of circuits at the gym, the very PURPOSE of exercise equipment is to injure you,” he wrote.

“Slice answers: “I’m about to deliver you up a whole pothole of whoop (fill in the blank).” — Gary Polser

“Don’t make me dump a bushel of certified #1 hard red winter whoop (fill in the blank) on you.” — Lawrence Killingsworth.

“This date in Slice history (1995): Eleven memorable moments in Spokane area vomiting.

“Today’s Slice question: Do you know anyone who has moved far away from Spokane but, despite not having family or business interests here, maintains an almost obsessive fascination with Inland Northwest doings?