The Slice: Celebrity chefs? Who needs ’em

With Thanksgiving less than a week away, you might want some tips on preparing a turkey.

Sure, there are plenty of cookbooks and celebrity chef shows Providing advice.

But there’s another way to go. Teachers Patti Rees and Amber Parviainen have offered to help. Patti had her first-graders at South Pines Elementary dictate culinary guidelines to Amber’s third-graders.

Here are a few excerpts of some of the kids’ tips.

“First, you kill a turkey. Second, you clean it and take the heart out. Take out the ribs.” – Gabrielle and Jessica

(That ribs thing can be harder than it sounds.)

“First, we cut off the head. Next we roast it.” – Kelly and Sophia

(We roast the head? Oh, OK, the turkey. Simple as one-two.)

“You unwrap it from the plastic. Then you stick the needle in it.” – Paul and Thomas

(I hope that’s a reference to a thermometer.)

“Cook it for 50 min in 50 degrees. Put lettuce all around it. Slice it. Serve it.” – Jonah and Frank

(Sounds like turkey tartare.)

“You cook the turkey for five minutes. Then you make hot steaming bread rolls.” – Ashlea and Megan

(This might be one time when you really would want to go ahead and fill up on the bread.)

“I’m guessing it takes about 1 hour to cook it.” – Haley and Catelyn

(At least they admit that they aren’t sure.)

“3. Wait for it to be done. 4. Take it out of the oven. 5. Add the stuff.” – Nathan and Gideon

(For my money, that step five is the key. Though step three is important, too.)

“2. Pull the fethers off.” – Mallory and Sydney

(Sometimes fresh is worth a little extra trouble.)

“2. Pull off the fethers – yank them off!” – Nicola and Stevie

(OK, OK, we get the point. Let’s try to stay calm.)

“Add peeper. Add sauce. Add K-up.” – Grifen and Travis

(Better go easy on the peeper.)

“First, get the turkey from Albertsons.” – Pierce and Trevor

(What? Do these two have an endorsement contract?)

“The turkey is in the oven at 28 degrees for 60 minets.” – Kira and Abbie

(Won’t have to worry about overcooking.)

“Ask mom or dad to brake wishbone. Whoever gets the big pese gets a wish.” – Sam and Alysha

(Maybe something along the lines of, “I wish I hadn’t read these cooking instructions.”)

•Today’s Slice question: Has the ubiquity of cell-phone cameras changed the way people behave in public?