With an eye toward the hot weather season, The Slice interviewed several Spokane area swimsuits.
After all, who would have a more up-close-and-personal perspective on the Inland Northwest’s love of summer?
Here is a transcript of that exchange.
The Slice: Does your owner ever actually go in the water?
String bikini: Well, except for some insipid splashing and giggling, no. We mostly do a lot of gratuitous bending over.
The Slice: What kind of summer are you going to have?
Man’s thong: Remember that scene in “Aliens” where the Colonial Marines discover that woman suspended in one of the creatures’ cocoons and she moans “Please kill me”? Took the words right out of my mouth.
The Slice: In terms of what you see on the beach these days, is modesty dead?
Classic maillot: No. This isn’t California. But it’s not 1964 either.
The Slice: Ever get sand in, um, you know?
Sir Mix-a-lot signature swim-dress: I beg your pardon?
The Slice: Who worries about their weight more when it comes to swimsuits — men or women?
Old-fashioned men’s trunks: Well, my guy’s look has been called 10 pounds of potatoes in a 5-pound bag. But he doesn’t seem to care. So I guess it’s women.
The Slice: Which is the Inland Northwest’s best lake?
Racerback: Pend Oreille.
The Slice: Do you ever wonder if women wearing sunglasses are secretly, you know, checking you out?
Men’s Speedo: That question reminds me of the “Seinfeld” episode about shrinkage.
The Slice: How much does your person fret about how she will look in a swimsuit this summer?
Tankini: She loses sleep over it. She sighs a lot and then says nothing’s the matter. And it’s sad, because she is a wonderful, loving woman adored by children and animals.
The Slice: Where did you spend the winter?
One Piece with Tummy Control: In a dark, magical drawer far, far away from the snow.
The Slice: Why do you think so many people here love hot weather?
Hawaiian jams: They enjoy being able to feel their fingers and toes.
•Warm-up question: If you were blindfolded and led around to various parts of your workplace, could you tell precisely where you were just from the cologne and perfume?
•Today’s Slice question: Slice reader Pam Gallaher wonders. What is the proper way to dispose of an old Bloomsday shirt?