The Slice: Resolutions come with a built-in failure factor

Here’s why certain New Year’s resolutions fail.

1. Saving money: There’s always something.

2. Becoming a vegetarian: At some point you will momentarily lose your focus on factory farming and slaughterhouse conditions. For a moment, you will forget about your plan to subsist on vegetables, nuts and what have you. And you will really, really want a big, sloppy cheeseburger dripping on your chin.

3. Giving up television: Sure, you can get by with online offerings, print and wall-to-wall public radio. But eventually it will dawn on you that TV wasn’t the problem – it was your failure to be truly selective about what you watched. Plus, you might miss all those good-looking people.

4. Giving up paying attention to sports: Yes, this saves a considerable amount of time. Yes, it does distance you from some people and values you find repellent. And, yes, it does offer you the opportunity to immerse yourself in great books and outdoor exercise.

But at some point you are going to miss watching athletes compete in realms where talent, toughness and euphoric physicality decide outcomes, not office politics, bribes or backroom deals.

5. No longer talking about people behind their backs: OK, good luck with that. But the fact that gossip is fun might be your undoing.

6. Improved oral hygiene: Some people lack the attention span necessary to be away from electronic screens for three minutes.

More moments of misspeaking that turned into family phrases: Susan Brinkman’s son was 5 when, on a road trip through Wyoming, he referred to some antelope as “cantaloupe.”

When Cindi John’s girls were little, they referred to Comstock Park as “Stomcock Park.”

And because John Taylor’s 4-year-old daughter referred to eggnog as “Christmas milk,” that’s what everyone in the family calls it now.

Today’s Slice question: Are you going to attend the figure skating nationals – why/why not?