Top Comment: Tooth Fair Visits

Slowly lifting one leg over the window sill, he felt his tights stretch out to maximum load. Maybe those last Pilsners hadn’t been a good idea before he took flight. He’d thought he’d been a little weighed down, and that confused him, because his bag was ever lighter. He lifted his other leg through the window and tip-toed over to the bed. Jimmy Smart. The kid was a tooth-giving machine. Larry had been impressed. He’d already been over to Jimmy’s three times that year. Maybe it was time to do a little bit of an investigation, like looking into the alleged misdeeds of an insurance fraudster. Maybe little Jimmy was running a teething Ponzi scheme of his own/Sam. Full comment below .

DFO: I’m going to start fronting the best comment of the day in this spot after HBO’s PM Headlines. Dunno who can argue with Sam’s work here. Major H/T, Sam.

He’d never liked that name, “Tooth Fairy.” Scratching the hair below his navel — he was an inny — Larry thought of a few things he’d rather be called, pulling lint from the cavernous belly button he was spelunking.

Capt. Canines. No: Mr. Munchers. Or RazorGums. He could have been a villain.

But dad had made him keep the family business going. No RazorGums villainy for Larry, who now donned wings three sizes too small and had a closet full of pink T-shirts that fit better on Cupid than the barfly bod that Larry rocked, in his own opinion, thank you very much.

Slowly lifting one leg over the window sill, he felt his tights stretch out to maximum load. Maybe those last Pilsners hadn’t been a good idea before he took flight. He’d thought he’d been a little weighed down, and that confused him, because his bag was ever lighter.

He lifted his other leg through the window and tip-toed over to the bed. Jimmy Smart. The kid was a tooth-giving machine. Larry had been impressed. He’d already been over to Jimmy’s three times that year. Maybe it was time to do a little bit of an investigation, like looking into the alleged misdeeds of an insurance fraudster. Maybe little Jimmy was running a teething Ponzi scheme of his own.

But, with no proof, Larry didn’t have much. He flicked the lint away and reached for the tooth. And then, oh no! Jimmy popped one eye open, then the other.

Larry definitely should have skipped those Pilsners.

“Quiet, kid, don’t say nothin’,” Larry said, jabbing one finger toward Jimmy. “Yer gonna git the money, alright? But don’t go all Little Bo Peep on me. Hand me tha tooth.”

Jimmy hadn’t been this freaked out since the time Mrs. Aloishus got so mad at Dennis Hill that she popped a blood vessel in her eye and for the rest of the day looked like some type of Hell Demon out of “The Adventures of Angel Boy.” Only, Jimmy didn’t remember any type of smell from his third grade teacher like the one coming from this big, hairy guy in pink. Were those wings? And tights? The … tooth fairy?

Slowly reaching underneath his pillow, Jimmy grabbed the tooth and hesitantly handed it over to Larry.

“Thatta boy. Oh, a good one. And call me Larry.”

Larry popped his fresh treasure into the bag. It definitely felt lighter. He reached in, and Jimmy could hear a jingle. It sounded like the coins in a treasurer chest.

The hulk of a fairy pulled out a quarter and flipped it up and over to Jimmy, who caught it in his hands. The boy looked down and as he looked up, he saw that Larry was already out the window, slowly ramping up to get his flight on.

“God, those Pilsners.”

“Hey, Mr!” Jimmy screamed, jumping out of bed and skidding over to the window. “Only a quarter? What is this, 1957?”

“Sorry kid, we’re in a recession, ya know?”