Horoscope Horror

Count me in with those don’t regularly read their horoscope. However, while browsing this week’s Inlander, I paused to read mine.  Here it is: ” I would love it if you could find a sword that could cut itself. Or a fire that could burn itself. Or some water you could wash. But even if you can conjure the magic to attract an experience that simply resembles one of those marvelous paradoxes, it would set in motion a series of epiphanies that would liberate you from an inferior paradox— a confusing absurdity that is not worthy of you and that has been draining your life force.”

What the heck??? I’ll tell you what’s draining my life force—- trying to figure out what the heck that paragraph meant.

Any ideas? If not, I’m sure one of you Hucksters can come up with a much improved horoscope.