The Slice: We’ve got the answer for everything

Here are Spokane’s Top 10 responses to virtually any proposal right now.

1. “Why don’t we talk after Labor Day.”

2. “Why don’t we get together after Labor Day.”

3. “Why don’t we get going on that after Labor Day.”

4. “Why don’t we wait for everyone to get back and then tackle that after Labor Day.”

5. “Hey, I know, call me after Labor Day.”

6. “Why don’t I phone you after Labor Day.”

7. “You know when would be the perfect time to get our arms around that? Right after Labor Day.”

8. “I’m going to pencil you in for right after Labor Day.”

9. “That would be great. Let’s hook up after Labor Day.”

10. “That sounds like something we ought to hold off on until after Labor Day.”

Overheard on Riverside (young woman to a young man): “I HAVE NOT rallied everyone against you, but maybe I should.”

E pluribus marmot: Readers don’t usually send me money. Not directly anyway. Though I think one young mother did offer to cough up a few bucks if I would shut up about bad baby names.

But Bob Kelton, who works at the Grand Coulee Dam visitor center, was kind enough to mail me a 2006 Polish coin adorned with the image of a couple of marmots. I really like it.

Though I think its actual exchange value is less than one U.S. dollar, the brass coin featuring the distant cousins of our familiar rodent friends is pretty cool. Maybe the Marmot Lodge could someday have a Polish chapter.

Meantime, I have a favor to ask of any Slice readers who speak Polish. Please call my phone number and record a message featuring translations for the following statements.

“Hey, some marmot must have chewed up all of my car’s engine hoses!”

“That darn marmot made a mess of our garden!”

“Those marmots, I’m telling you, give ’em an inch and they’ll take a mile.”

Update, Aug. 19, 2010: Listen to one caller’s translations.

Today’s Slice question: Do little kids with birthdays at this time of year feel shortchanged on the party front because so many of their friends are out of town?