Doug Clark: Extra credit for combining thrill ride, liquor run

How’s your summer going?

Has it been Kardashian hot? Or has it been as lame as Jennifer Aniston’s latest movie?

I only ask because, well, there’s not much time left to do anything about it.

Yes, the telltale signs of fall are already beginning to appear.

You know, like longer shadows and cooler temperatures. Plus many drug addicts are now demanding a flu shot along with OxyContin during pharmacy stick-ups.

In an effort to help, I have designed my Second Annual Summer Evaluation Quiz.

Select the answers that come closest to describing your summertime attitude and/or experiences. We’ll check scores at the end of the test to determine what level of psychiatric commitment best suits you.

1. I dieted hard this summer so I could …

A. Look hot at the beach in a Speedo or bikini. (2 points)

B. Impress old friends at my high school reunion. (5 points)

C. Turn on security workers operating the full-body scanners at the airport. (10 points)

2. Nothing says summer like a thrill ride in …

A. The gondolas at Riverfront Park. (2 points)

B. The Aftershock rollercoaster at Silverwood. (5 points)

C. The passenger seat in Todd Chism’s car. (10 points)

3. I logged a lot of miles this summer …

A. Riding my lawn mower. (2 points)

B. Taking the bus. (5 points)

C. Making cheap booze runs to Post Falls. (10 points)

4. Which scenario best describes your idea of summer in the Great Outdoors?

A. Feeding squirrels peanuts in the backyard. (2 points)

B. Feeding ducks bread crumbs at Manito Park. (5 points)

C. Feeding grizzlies an arm or a leg at Yellowstone. (10 points)

5. I lost a bundle this summer …

A. Pretending I knew how to play blackjack. (2 points)

B. Thinking the Mariners would make it past .500. (5 points)

C. Betting Bob Apple would make it past the primary. (10 points)

6. My idea of a romantic summer fling is …

A. A night at The Davenport with my spouse. (2 points)

B. A few hours at a motel with a co-worker. (5 points)

C. A romp in the weeds with David R. Fox. (10 points)

7. Which aroma best describes your summer?

A. The coconut smell of suntan lotion. (2 points)

B. The floral fragrance of Duncan Garden. (5 points)

C. The pungent poo of the wastewater treatment plant. (10 points)

8. It was hard to sleep sometimes this summer due to …

A. Heat wave. (2 points)

B. Heartburn. (5 points)

C. Meth raid. (10 points)

9. Nothing expands your summer horizons like …

A. Reading a book. (2 points)

B. Joining a book club. (5 points)

C. Being booked into the Spokane County Jail for mooning an off-duty cop. (10 points)

10. Summer 2010 will be remembered for …

A. One torn-up street after another. (2 points)

B. One political robo-call after another. (5 points)

C. One “N-word” after another coming out of Dr. Laura’s mouth. (10 points)

OK. Now for the results.

A score of 30 or below means you are officially in a coma and could be the next police ombudsman.

Scoring 40 to 70 shows that you need to take more chances that don’t involve riding shotgun in Chism’s car.

Those who scored 70 and above definitely know how to have a great time.

So enjoy the rest of Summer 2010. Because it’s highly unlikely you’ll live to see Summer 2011.