The Slice: It really is the thought that counts

Let’s review the do’s and don’ts of reacting to a gift.

Right: “This is SO thoughtful!”

Wrong: “Oh, yeah, I saw that these were on sale.”

Right: “You really read my mind here.”

Wrong: “Made in China, I see.”

Right: “I couldn’t be more pleased.”

Wrong: “This is so, uh, practical.”

Right: “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Wrong: “Well, this is better than last year’s present.”

Right: “Did someone tell you I’ve been wanting one of these?”

Wrong: “I’m surprised this older version was still available.”

Right: “I could kiss you!”

Wrong: “Is this regifted?”

Right: “Oh man, oh man, oh man.”

Wrong: “Is this a not-so-subtle suggestion that I exercise more?”

Right: “What a great gift!”

Wrong: “Did I open the wrong box?”

Right: “Hey, someone finally paid attention to my hints.”

Wrong: “I’m wetting myself, but not in a good way.”

Right: “This couldn’t be more perfect.”

Wrong: “I guess they do those things.”

Right: “Everybody else keep their mitts off this.”

Wrong: “Exchange window, here I come.”

Right: “Wow. Somebody has the mistaken impression that I’ve been good this year.”

Wrong: “How much did you pay for this?”

Right: “What a terrific color.”

Wrong: “Have you ever actually looked at my body before estimating what size I might wear?”

Right: “You shouldn’t have.”

Wrong: “You shouldn’t have. No, really.”

If you’ve never been to midnight Mass: Here are some tips:

1. Try to remember that you are not at a ballpark.

2. For God’s sake, turn off all your electronic gizmos.

3. If you are incapable of dressing modestly, find somewhere else to display yourself.

4. It might be crowded, so please skip the bottled fragrances.

5. Ballcaps off, gentlemen.

6. By all means join in the singing, but don’t treat it like an “American Idol” tryout.

7. It isn’t a movie theater. Keep your chatter to a minimum.

Today’s Slice question: How many grandparents have a hard time remembering all the grandchildren’s names?