The Slice: Rule No. 1: Mind your own business

What do you say to a guy who is moaning at a nearby urinal?

I’ve asked myself that question more than once while visiting public men’s rooms in theaters, stadiums, hotels and transit hubs.

Now I don’t pretend to know what goes on in women’s restrooms. Incantations and folk dancing, I assume.

But I’ve lived long enough to feel safe in declaring that moaning, while rare, does in fact happen in men’s rooms.

Sometimes it’s clear that it is in direct response to relieving bladder pressure. In my opinion, it seems unnecessary to vocalize that experience. Still, I guess we all can understand the impulse.

At other times, though, the moaning is not an amped-up blissful sigh. It is more like supplication before deity.

Perhaps kidney stones are the culprit. In which case, the moaner is certainly entitled to sympathy. But still, is there anything one could say that would help?

“Stay with it there, pal”?

Or maybe prostate issues or sexually transmitted diseases have a role in the restroom outburst. You would have to ask the moaner to find out. And some of us were given strict instructions at a young age not to start those kinds of conversations in public restrooms.

I thought about asking a guy earlier this week if he needed an ambulance. But I don’t think he would have heard me.

Spokane explained, No. 43: “Fairchild and Spokane have always had a wonderful reputation in the Air Force,” wrote Lee Jorgensen, an Air Force retiree. “I don’t know how many guys I’ve met over the years that have retired here because of that — even some who weren’t ever stationed here, but came because of all the good things they had heard about the area.”

Today’s Slice question: How would you look in a speed skater’s outfit?