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The Slice: Today, we’ll touch on FAQs
Let’s get right to some Frequently Asked Questions about life in the Spokane area.
Q: When does lake water get warm enough for swimming?
A: The day after Labor Day.
Q: Am I allowed to not care about local sports teams?
A: Not if they’re winning.
Q: I’m confused. Isn’t the Northwest a politically progressive part of the country?
A: Yes, you are confused.
Q: Do people here still resent transplanted Californians?
A: It depends on how much they are offering for your house.
Q: Why do some people here think we are the only place with potholes and a few bad cops?
A: Because being angry 24/7 doesn’t leave you much time to keep up with national news.
Q: Have you ever gotten an e-mail from someone who accused you of being a roller-coaster chicken but then declined to sign his name?
A: Yes.
Q: When the ease of getting from Point A to Point B is one of Spokane’s charms — especially relative to major metros — why do so many people choose to live out in the boonies?
A: They like referring to their homes as “the compound.”
Q: When will I be invited to someone’s lake place?
A: Any day now.
Q: How do some people here manage to blame all our crime on minorities when that is a statistical impossibility?
A: The same way you could call a newspaper that endorses Republican presidential candidates “The Socialist Review.”
Q: Is Spokane just big enough to have cultural attractions without the drawbacks of big cities or is it just big enough to have most of the problems of a big city but not the compensating cultural offerings?
A: Yes.
Warm-up question (for single women with active social lives): In your experience, is a guy not liking cats a reliable red flag because it almost invariably turns out that he cannot cope with skepticism about his personality and will demand to be unquestioningly adored with dog-like loyalty even though he hasn’t earned it and isn’t really very impressive?
Today’s Slice question: Who holds the local record for having changed his or her Facebook photo the greatest number of times?