Kevin: The Bear Didn’t Wear Lipstick

Kevin Taylor: I once mistook a black bear for my wife. Wait! Before you all hoot and holler and point fingers in my direction at what a bad husband I was, let me just set the scene. I was walking through a friend’s pasture along the Twisp River … the edge of the pasture dropped off sharply near the river. I espied the very top of a head full of (as I thought) dark hair at a spot near the swimming hole. Thinking that it surely must be my wife, I veered sharply in that direction and ended up face to face with a young black bear that was just as shocked as I was. We both froze for what seemed to be years. More below question .

Question: Have you ever mistaken your wife for a bear and lived to tell about it?

Even standing stock-still I was able to thoroughly scan the ground for likely weapons only to think, “Crap! This is all cottonwood.” The bear couldn’t stand it any more and turned and sprinted away at amazing speed. It didn’t even slow down for a solid-panel wooden fence, just - BOOM! - powered right through and quickly vanished. I may have fainted.