Alan Arkin: No Catch-22 for his career

Alan Arkin turns 78 today. And while he isn’t one of my favorite actors, I’ve always appreciated his ability to deliver dialogue. Among his many notable lines of dialogue, the following are among my favorites:

As Lt. Rozanov in “The Russians Are Coming the Russians are Coming” (1966) : “Very clever little boy. Very, very clever, to see that my friend and I are foreigners here, but of course not Russian, naturally. What would the Russians be doing on United States of America island, with so many animosities and hatreds between these two countries? It is too funny an idea, is it not? No, we, we are of course… Norveegans.”

As Capt. John Yossarian, speaking to Doc Daneeka (Jack Gilford) in “Catch-22” (1970) : “Ok, let me see if I’ve got this straight. In order to be grounded, I’ve got to be crazy. And I must be crazy to keep flying. But if I ask to be grounded, that means I’m not crazy anymore, and I have to keep flying.” “You got it, that’s Catch-22.” “Whoo… That’s some catch, that Catch-22.” “It’s the best there is.”

As Lt. Practice in “Little Murders” (1971) : “We are involved here in a far reaching conspiracy to undermine our most basic beliefs and sacred institutions. Whose behind this conspiracy? Once again ask yourself who has the most to gain. People in high places, their names would astound you! People in low places, concealing their activities beneath a cloak of poverty! People of all walks of life, left wing and right wing. Black and white. Students and scholars. A conspiracy of such ominous proportion that we will never, never know the whole story and we’ll never be able to reveal all the facts! We are readying mass arrests. I am going to see that you people get every possible break. If there is any information you would like to contribute at this time, it will be held in the strictest confidence…” (runs out the door).

As George Kraft in “Mother Night” (1996) : “The Brotherhood of the Walking Wounded. It’s the largest organization in the world. You don’t even know it exists until you’re in it. You get your membership card when you lose the one thing that gives your life any meaning, the thing that binds you together. The thing that holds the group in one piece is the fact that the members are absolutely incapable of speaking to one another.”

As Grandpa in “Little Miss Sunshine” (2006) : “Will you kindly not interrupt me, Richard! See, right now you’re jailbait, they’re jailbait. It’s perfect. I mean, you hit 18, man! You’re talkin’ about three to five.”

As Barney Cashman in “The Last of the Red Hot Lovers” (1972) : “I read the obituaries every day just for the satisfaction of not seeing my name there.”

As Sheldon S. Kompett, D.D.S. in “The In-Laws” (1979) : “I’ve only had four women in my life. Two of them, my wife!”

As Joe Lorkowski in “Sunshine Cleaning” (2008) : “It’s a business lie, It’s different from a life lie.”

Below : Alan Arkin in one of his most memorable roles, in “The In-Laws,” with Peter Falk telling him to “Serpentine! Serpentine!”