The Onion’s Guide to Surviving Thanksgiving

Here’s some wisdom from the Onion for getting through the day: - To keep your mother happy, seat her directly across from her one good child who actually did something with his life. - Splurge and get the more expensive turkey; then, make sure to mention at least once an hour how you splurged and got the more expensive turkey. I guess I was guilty yesterday of bringing up twice that I bought the more expensive turkey. But did I mention that it was three times more expensive than the average bird. Too bad for my mom that my sister won’t be sitting with us at the table tonight. Go here for the full list. h/t Daily Dish