Cruise: The teeth have it

Only the most close-minded movie fans would refuse to admit that Tom Cruise, he of the ready grin, has pulled off some fairly decent performances. “Taps,” for example.” Certainly “Risky Business.” Maybe even “Rain Man.”

And definitely “Born on the Fourth of July” and “Magnolia.”

But it can’t be denied: Cruise, who will show up in one of this classic retro roles in Spokane this week , has starred in a quite few cheesy movie, too. Following are the cheesiest of cheesy Cruise performances:

“Top Gun” (1986) – As the self-styled loner Maverick, Cruise is as ripe as a mature round of cheddar. Stuck between incisors.

“All the Right Moves” (1983) – A small-town kid fighting for a football scholarship, Cruise goes for smolder but ends up being all teeth.

“Legend” (1985) – Getting caught between a band of dwarves and a unicorn is never a good career move, even for smiley boy.

“Cocktail” (1988) – Create a formula (guy struggling for success finds, loses, refinds both love and success) and place it in a bar. Augment with teeth. Right.

“Days of Thunder” (1990) – Only thing cheesier than Cruise’s performance is his character’s name: Cole Trickle. Cue: smile.

“Jerry Maguire” (1996) – Help me help you … to the exit, grinning all the way. (BTW, whatever happened to Oscar winner Cuba Gooding Jr.?)

“Vanilla Sky” (2001) – A remake of Alejandro Amenabar’s 1997 “Abre los ojos,” Cruise spends half the movie in a mask. Two words: dental deficiency.

“The Last Samurai” (2003) – Cruise becomes involved in an Asian land war. History tells us the wisdom of that. It bites.

“Knight and Day” (2010) – Rhymes with “stay away,” which is exactly what the public did. Maybe because Cameron Diaz has an even bigger smile than Cruise does.

Below : Tom Cruise flashes his dental work on “Oprah.”