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Liberate us from Lycra!
Kudos to Richard Haste (Aug. 18) for starting to tell the horror story about bicyclists. He forgot, however, about those pesky pedestrians and their sidewalks. If we ripped out the sidewalks, we could fit three SUVs in each lane and solve all our parking problems.
Mr. Haste also forgot about the hidden cost of all that bicycle exercise. Gasping bicyclists deeply breathe in the pollution I produce and their resulting higher rates of lung cancer must be the cause of my exorbitant health insurance premiums.
If more worthless pedestrians and bicyclist got off my streets and volunteered for wars against Middle Easterners, we could finally invade Iran and get gas prices back in line. But what really ticks me off about those Lycra-clad pedal-philes is how guilty they make me feel about the fumes I produce and my consumer contribution to a backward, car-based economy.
How dare they?
Moreover, they make me feel fat. Given the cruelty of bicyclists, I’m going to have to buy a Prius, so I can put it in silent battery mode and sneak up and squash them.
Rise up against bikes! Free yourselves from their damnable bike chains! Internal combustion engines forever!
Glenn E. Tanner
Spokane