The Slice: You never know when you’ll need it

If you ever watch old movies, you might have noticed something.

It’s this: Years ago, people made it through the day without lugging around bulging backpacks.

Sure, there were briefcases and lunch boxes. But the American public didn’t resemble a population of lost mountaineers.

What happened?

OK, we’ve all heard about stooped school kids bent under the weight of overburdened rucksacks. And women’s purses have been the subject of scrutiny for many decades.

But those are special cases. I’m talking about people carrying backpacks in non-outdoorsy places such as downtown Spokane. What all do they have in there?

Here are my guesses. Feel free to add your own.

A) Sixteen kinds of baby wipes. B) Overdue library books. C) Pounds and pounds of files from work that the person lugged home but then ignored. D) Enough miscellaneous stuff to attract the attention of the producers of that cable TV show, “Hoarders.”

E) Seven different recharger cords. F) Morning snack, lunch, midafternoon snack and sex toys. G) Baggies filled with dirt (the person is digging an escape tunnel and doesn’t want anyone to notice). H) A bomb.

I) An all-contingencies first-aid kit. J) Rain/snow gear. K) Workout clothes. L) Dress shoes and all the pills the person would need to take if he or she unexpectedly couldn’t go home for three days.

M) Bibles. N) Computers, phones and a dozen bottles of hand sanitizer. O) Binoculars. P) Bicycle repair kit.

Q) A bottle of champagne. R) Baked goods for a workplace cookie exchange. S) Still more leftover Halloween candy. T) Divorce paperwork.

U) Backup underwear. V) Water bottle, a piece of pound cake, ocean cruise brochures, a packet of tartar-control cat treats, roll of quarters, a pair of those sound-nullifying headphones and a gun. W) Pull-over shoe cleats for walking on ice.

X) A ceramic bowl, an EWU cap and 19 of those toy birds that emit a recording of the actual bird’s call when you squeeze them just so. Y) Stolen office supplies. Z) Other.

Slice answers (what to call residents of our fair city): “Since I’m from Hawaii, I call myself a Spokawaiian,” wrote George Iranon.

“Lilackey,” said Joe Booth.

Today’s Slice question: What local resident gets the greatest number of dirty looks?