The Slice: Getting snowed under

The Slice managed to land an interview with the Spokane Guy Who Is Willing To Admit That This Winter Has Been Rougher In Other Parts Of The Country.

You won’t believe what he had to say.

Q: Congratulations on your willingness to see the big picture. Does it pain you to acknowledge that we haven’t had much of a winter compared to, say, the Midwest and Northeast?

A: Well, it’s important to remember that winter is not over yet. Anything could happen in the next few weeks. But so far, except for the beginning, ours hasn’t been up to our usual standards.

Q: You mean like the previous one, the winter that resembled an extended autumn?

A: No, I was thinking of the two winters before that.

Q: Why is it so important for people here to believe that our winters are ferocious?

A: Because, though we would like to be thought of as rugged stoics, we are complainers by nature. And it would seem silly or petty to grouse about ordinary winters.

Q: What else is behind Spokane’s winter mythology?

A: Well, there’s a certain resentment arising from the fact that we have to be virtually buried alive before the national media pay any attention.

Q: But you admit that lots of places typically get more snow and colder temperatures, right?

A: I admit nothing of the kind.

Q: Those are official federal statistics. How can you dispute them?

A: Why would I trust the government?

Q: OK. But how can it be that the idea of enduring harsh winters is part of our civic self-identity when the truth is a lot of Spokane residents are big babies about challenging weather?

A: You are starting to annoy me.

Q: Would you make the case that our wild fluctuations in winter conditions are harder to deal with than more predictable weather patterns?

A: We have hard winters here.

Q: But, this year at least, not as hard as lots of other places?

A: So far.

Today’s Slice question: Would you feel like a failure as a parent if your daughter wound up on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?