The Slice: And now, back to ‘the column’

The popularity of the myth notwithstanding, not all of us here go to “the lake.”

But there’s no reason everyone in the Spokane area can’t enjoy using that particular phrasing. We just need to agree that other nouns can substitute for “lake.”

I’ll show you what I mean.

“What are you going to do this weekend?”

“Going to the couch.”

OK, that might not have the same social cachet as images of relaxing by the water. But certainly there are other options.

“What are you going to do this weekend?”

“Going to the basement.”

Again, that’s not especially evocative of living it up. But at least we can hope newcomers would not be forced to ask “Which basement?”

“What are you going to do this weekend?”

“Going to the garage.”

And so on.

I guess these alternatives won’t catch on. Perhaps they are not vague enough. Maybe they don’t ring up many lifestyle points.

Still, they might be fun to hear now and then, if only for the sake of variety.

“Where are you going this weekend?”

“Back to bed.”

“THE bed?”

“That’s the one.”

Rodent telepathy: Vince Roland was walking near a parking lot and eating some peanuts when he encountered an alert animal at the Riverpoint campus. Roland referred to him as Murray the Marmot.

“He puts the marmot beam on you which says, ‘I won’t get any closer, but if you share some of those I won’t run away either.’ ”

Roland offered up some peanuts.

Then, after telepathically saying thanks, Murray grumbled something about nearby road construction.

This date in Slice history (1998): “Your car stereo is loud enough to annoy everyone else when: You can tell from reading lips that people are cursing at you but you can’t hear a word anyone is saying.”

Today’s Slice question: What’s the key difference between a tree house and a tree fort?