The Slice: You’ll know it’s hot enough when summer comes calling

Hi, and welcome to the Hot Enough For Ya Hotline.

Let’s go to our first caller.

“Hi. Paul. It’s not hot enough for me. What can I do?”

I would counsel patience. And remember that studies have shown it’s possible to engage in all manner of enjoyable outdoor activities when the sun is out and the temperatures are hovering around 70 degrees.

Let’s see who is on Line 2. Go ahead, caller.

“Hi, Paul. It’s not nearly hot enough for me. When it’s summer, I don’t want it to be lukewarm. I want to bake. I want to broast. I want to wonder if my hair is about to combust. I want to soak up so much solar energy that when I jump into the water an audible sizzling sound can be heard.”

I understand. You have a form of dementia known as Spokane Syndrome. Though our winters are often less challenging than in many northern tier cities and despite the fact that we typically get plenty of toasty weather, you feel perpetually summer-deprived.

Relax. It’s a common affliction here. Take two Milk Duds and call me back if it’s not 90 before long.

All right, time for one more call. Go ahead. I’m listening.

“Paul, it’s definitely not hot enough for me. Should I move to someplace that has reliable weather?”

You mean reliable as in hellishly ovenlike at this time of year? Caller, I suspect you would get bored with that. Try to take your mind off what a certain daily newspaper referred to as a July “cold front” the other day and go for a bike ride. Summer’s just getting warmed up.

Slice answers: Leonna Bowers said a tree fort has a sign that says “Boys Only.”

“A tree house doesn’t.”

Ginny Semler said the distinction is easy to pinpoint. “If it has curtains, it’s a tree house.”

Janet Culbertson wrote, “Tree Fort is to Man Cave as Tree House is to Doll House.”

And several readers suggested the presence of an arsenal and loud boasts of invincibility make an arboreal structure a fort.

Today’s Slice question: To what extent are the children in your extended family capable of getting beach sand everywhere?