The Slice: Local dogs, cats have questions; we’ve got answers

It’s time for another installment of Furry Talk, the interactive pets column that answers questions from Spokane-area dogs and cats.

You wouldn’t believe the letters and emails that arrive from Inland Northwest animals seeking advice.

To FT: I’m a North Side tabby who stays indoors and spends a fair amount of time surveying the neighborhood from the back of a couch that’s right up next to the picture window. There’s a lot of traffic where we are. But the geniuses directly across the street let their cats go outside. By my count, they are on their ninth feline in five years. How can I warn the latest cat to be careful? – Tired of the Carnage

Dear Tired: The truth is, there’s not much you can do. Remember what they say about curiosity and your kind. You could try borrowing from “The Wizard of Oz” and fashion a sign that says “I’d Turn Back If I Were You!” But it’s probably worth remembering that the sign in the movie didn’t work.

To FT: I’m an Idaho dog with a problem. My owner, a good-hearted guy who has treated me well, wants me to be excited about hunting. I’m sorry, but it just leaves me cold. I don’t dig the sounds, the smells, the getting up early – any of it. How can I get out of going without hurting my guy’s feelings? – Live and Let Live

Dear LALL: Your owner sounds like a decent person, so “accidentally” shooting him is out. Unless, of course, you were sure you could get him in the leg or something. But a better idea might be figuring out what foods give you the most surreal intestinal gas. You know, the stout kind that makes humans in your household almost black out. Then find a way to scarf down an extra large helping of that food the night before the next hunting trip. You might not be invited again.

To FT: I’m a Liberty Lake cat who enjoys tuna. But I’m not cool with the idea of dolphins getting caught in the nets. What should I do? – Go Fish

Dear Go: Talk to your pastor.

Today’s Slice question: What would you say to someone who does not believe that we really landed men on the moon?