The Slice: Do you hear what I hear camping?

Sometimes you have to say something, even when you don’t really have an answer.

One of those situations occurs when you are camping, it’s late at night and from somewhere in the distance a strange sound can be heard.

“What was that?” someone will ask.

If you do not immediately propose a reasonable, nonthreatening explanation, some in your party just might let their imaginations run wild. No one wants that.

So here are a dozen calming responses that pretty much cover the spectrum of mystery sounds emanating from the deep, dark woods. All you have to do is pick and choose.

No need to thank me. It’s all part of the service.

1. “A bear. A friendly one.”

2. “Not one of those guys like in ‘Deliverance.’ ”

3. “Just some sort of heavy creature stepping on a twig.”

4. “Could just be a forest fire.”

5. “Might have been some beered-up moron putting a round in the chamber.”

6. “Nothing. Just something struggling in quicksand.”

7. “Probably just an old, rusty trap left out there for decades snapping shut on its own.”

8. “An owl catching a big snake.”

9. “Well, if it’s prison escapees, they’ll probably steer clear of us.”

10. “Wolf. Funny, they’re usually lighter on their feet. Well, unless they have rabies.”

11. “Sinkhole forming.”

12. “Just a volcanic rumble. Nothing to worry about.”

Today’s Slice question: How certain do you need to be that a woman is pregnant before you will allude to that in conversation with her or her husband?

A) Pretty doggone certain. B) The baby’s head is crowning. C) She seems to have gained a couple of pounds. D) Until they bring it up, I’m doing my best impression of Sgt. Schultz in “Hogan’s Heroes.” E) I first need to hear her say the words, “I am great with child.” F) Other.