The Slice: You’ll never find this guy off his game

Today The Slice presents a transcript of an exclusive interview with The Guy Who Only Wants to Talk About Hoopfest.

You won’t believe what he had to say.

Q: Do you think the biggest conflicts when it comes to visions of Spokane’s future are political or generational?

A: You won’t believe our team’s name this year. It is so cool. No one will get it.

Q: Do you ever get the feeling the mainstream Spokane news media’s target audience is an extremely thin slice of the community’s overall demographic pie?

A: I just hope we don’t get that same Nazi court monitor this year. That guy was out of control. On a power trip or something.

Q: Can the state or private social service agencies intervene to break the cycle of poverty and its attendant social pathologies without effectively saying “You are poor, uneducated and irresponsible and we have determined that if you are allowed to continue being a parent your offspring are doomed to be poor, uneducated and irresponsible”?

A: Hope the rims are attached better this time. Last year, we had one that wobbled six inches and another that had about as much play as a block of marble.

Q: What do you think is the real explanation for all the anonymous anger on the Internet? Are these people warped by the thought that no one in 3-D life listens to them?

A: I definitely think our team could win a few games this year. That is, if Ralph shows up sober this time.

Q: How many truly great-looking people have you known who possessed a decent sense of humor?

A: If the weather doesn’t seriously warm up, the spectators who like to wear almost nothing but their tattoos are going to be cranky.

Q: What do think of this statement: “If you aren’t into cultural events that involve portable toilets, Spokane probably isn’t for you”?

A: I don’t wear sunglasses out there to look cool. I have a family history of macular degeneration.

Q: What percentage of people making milkshakes are capable of achieving “just right” thickness?

A: It always cracks me up that some of the worst swearing is at the kids’ games.

Today’s Slice question: What will your relatives fight about at the family reunion this summer?