The Slice: Old Man Winter? Bring him on!

Today The Slice presents a transcript of an exclusive interview with the Spokane guy who just bought a snow thrower and is itching to use it.

As usual, you won’t believe what he had to say.

Slice: What’s the difference between a snow thrower and a snow blower?

Spokane guy: Do you understand the distinction between single stage and two stage?

Slice: Not really.

Spokane guy: Well, with a standard snow blower you have …

Slice: Never mind. Let me ask you this. Does owning one of these change the way you view the prospect of winter?

Spokane guy: It does. I used to dread blizzards. Now I say “Come at me, Old Man Winter.”

Slice: What do you like best about the machine, the fact that it will keep you from having to shovel or the time-saving aspect?

Spokane guy: To be honest, the thing I like most is the fact that it makes a lot of noise.

Slice: Does owning a snow thrower influence your self-image?

Spokane guy: It imbues me with a sense of masculine capability and nature-taming ruggedness.

Slice: But you realize women use these things, too, right?

Spokane guy: Maybe the smaller machines. Me, I have a StormStud 9000. It’s a brute. It would be a bit much for a little lady to handle.

Slice: So do you think you will find yourself rooting for snow?

Spokane guy: I don’t know about that. I realize some aren’t fortunate enough to own one of these manly rigs. And I know a big dump can be a pain for the community. But when I’m called to serve, I will be ready to defend my way of life.

Slice: How do you feel about firing up your machine when there has been just a dusting of snow?

Spokane guy: The StormStud 9000 is really designed for deeper accumulations. But I suppose I’ll find it hard to resist any opportunity to crank it up at 5:37 a.m. and signal to my neighbors that someone around here had available credit left on one of his cards.

Slice: OK, Hoss. Have a good winter.

Spokane guy: Bring it on.

Today’s Slice question: What are your personal symptoms of seasonal dry skin?