The Slice: Rest assured, you really don’t need to worry about ‘katieutehs’

Time again for another Slice Horoscope.

This is the only zodiac column written by someone who might have stood behind you in the express checkout line when you had 34 items in your cart.

I guarantee this astrological forecast to be as accurate as any other.

Aries • • • • : It’s looking good for your hopes of getting on a career track that involves carrying a two-way radio.

Taurus • • : Don’t listen to those encouraging you to attempt subsisting on nothing but beer and sausage for all of October.

Gemini • • • • : Relax. Your doctor didn’t say you have “katieutehs.” That’s the name of a woman who works for KREM-TV. Call the office for clarification.

Cancer • • • : You recorded some of the 9/11 specials and think you might get around to watching them tonight. OK. But don’t fight the tears. Some of those scenes and stories will always make you cry — then, now, 10 years from now. Forever.

Leo • • • • • • : Sure, it’s a big step. But talking to a divorce lawyer after your husband tells you to start referring to him by his online pseudonym might be the right move.

Virgo • • : It won’t go well if you approach the STA administration with your assertion that the high-pitched squeal made by some bus brakes is a form of torture.

Libra • • • : You will have Earth, Wind & Fire’s “September” stuck in your head today.

Scorpio • : Don’t ask.

Sagittarius • • • • : You’ll be riding your bike and get a thumbs-up from a guy in a pickup in recognition of your helpful “turning right” hand signal.

Capricorn • • • • : Even though you don’t drink Dos Equis, a co-worker you admire proclaims you “The most interesting man in the world.”

Aquarius • • • • • : You realize that joining the cross-country team has totally turned your kid into an achiever.

Pisces • • • • • : The vet calls and says your old dog’s lab tests don’t show anything troubling.

Spartacus • • • • : Your letter to the editor causes liars, nitwits and obfuscators to come unhinged.

Today’s Slice question: Excluding those with obsessive-compulsive disorders, who around here typically takes the most showers every day?