The Slice: Let’s arm these kids with some clever retorts

I’ll send a coveted reporter’s notebook to the reader suggesting the best comeback line a little kid could utter if confronted with someone seriously shouting “Get off my lawn!”

Let’s move on.

Slice answer (who gets to kiss you on the lips): “When I was 5 years old I had to kiss Aunt Maude on the lips,” wrote Mike Altig. “I hated that because she had a mustache.”

It sort of gave him pause about the whole lips-on-lips thing. But he rallied and got over it.

“Now, at 71, I have no restrictions.”

Best and worst ways of dealing with baldness: Here are a few readers’ observations. I suspect you will be able to tell which are “best” and which are “worst.”

“In a nutshell: Men who wear toupees look like men who wear toupees,” wrote Ray Tansy.

“My father demonstrated it to me – the comb-over,” wrote Jerry Sciarrio. “I used to sit behind him in the car on family trips. As he drove with the window open, he was ‘waving’ to all as we passed with his hair flapping in the breeze. At that time I vowed that if I ever found myself in the same state of coverage, I would never resort to this method.”

Thomas Rogers’ bald brother-in-law enjoys telling people to “get a haircut.”

“Embrace it for being low maintenance and have a good hat wardrobe,” said Gary W. Smith.

“A man should never hide his ‘solar panel for a sex machine’ (except, when appropriate, with a hat or a cap),” wrote Mike Rogers.

Favorite grocery cashiers (Part 2): “Our favorite cashiers are Christy, Jacqueline, Rosie, Terra, Darin and Derrick,” wrote Terri Ann and Dan Chott. “Had to name them all as they are an excellent team and always put the ‘family’ in Family Foods in Oldtown (next to Newport).”

Warm-up question: Are there any widespread superstitions in your field along the lines of baseball players not talking about a no-hitter in progress?

Today’s Slice question: In your experience, what public events in the Spokane area attract the best-behaved audiences/spectators? Worst behaved?