The Slice: Can we just freeze summer?

Maybe it’s an age thing.

Early season weather notwithstanding, perhaps young people are of a mind that the summer of 2012 is progressing at a molasses pace and can almost be measured in geologic time.

Others of us, however, think it is going by at warp speed. And some are concerned that, at this rate, summer will be over in an instant.

Once you reach a certain age, summer can be like the speeded-up planet in an episode of “Star Trek: Voyager” called “Blink of an Eye.”

In that show, the starship finds itself in orbit above a world spinning so fast it is one big blur. It is blazing through its history at a fast-forward velocity.

Or summer can resemble that train song including the lines: “Look out, here she comes, she’s coming. Look out, there she goes, she’s gone.”

So here’s the question. What can be done to slow the season down?

Your guess is as good as mine. But I can tell you what definitely does not work. In fact, I have a list.

1. Making a T with your hands and yelling “Time! I want a time out!”

2. Following the all-purpose “Animal House” counsel: “My advice is to start drinking heavily.”

3. Going online and looking at pictures of old baseball cards and comic books.

4. Saying things like “It’s 54 days until Pig Out in the Park.”

5. Coming back from vacation.

6. Lots of intentional fouls or running out of bounds.

7. Getting out of bed before sunrise.

8. Trying to push with your shoulder against the Earth’s rotation.

9. Talking about ancient skateboards and drive-in theaters.

10. Looking in attics and the backs of closets for the cosmic rewind switch.

Northwest lifestyle advice: If you have waterproof gardening shoes that you leave outside, you might want to listen to Tomas Kelley Lynch.

He strongly recommends checking the insides of said footwear before stepping into them.

Why?

One word: Slugs.

“Please warn others of my carelessness before it’s too late for them,” he wrote.

Today’s Slice question: Are nightmarish camping trips actually way more memorable (and more fun to talk about in the years to come) than outings where everything goes according to plan?