The Slice: Maybe they’re fans of April

Dana Johnson’s new phone can convert spoken words into text messages.

The other day, she tried to compose one for a woman named April.

“April,” she said into the phone just as someone came to the door, interrupting her and setting off the dogs.

When Johnson returned her attention to the phone, she saw that it was poised to send a text message that read: “April rah rah rah rah.”

The name for someone in Spokane who keeps tabs of local entertainment offerings but never actually attends concerts, plays or whatever: “Alice,” said Shirley Kneff.

Alice is Kneff’s sister. “She always knows about the concerts and shows and wants to buy me tickets, but she will not leave her house to go see something.”

So, OK. Let’s use it in a sentence.

“It turns out we have an extra ticket. Would your friend like to come with us?”

“No, he’s sort of an Alice when it comes to leaving home after dark.”

Slice answer (a costume drama TV miniseries set in Spokane): “Call it ‘Mining Kings of the Inland Empire’ and set it in the late 19th century,” wrote John Kafentzis. “It would flip back and forth between the gritty Silver Valley with its mines and bordellos and the relatively genteel Spokane where the mineral empowered came to build their fine homes and reputations.”

Les Graham was thinking along the same lines. But he would suggest that the storyline also incorporate a little of the backroom dealing and insider shenanigans abetting the rise of railroad empires.

Today’s Slice question: You might have read that airports around the country have taken to having prominent entertainers with local ties record the public service announcements heard in the terminal. You know, the ones about not leaving bags unattended, not smoking anywhere within a 10-mile radius, et cetera. Well, who should record such messages here?

Nominations needn’t be restricted to musicians, retired athletes, event founders or Bing Crosby impersonators.

Just imagine.

“Chomp, chomp, chomp. Hi, this is the Riverfront Park garbage-eating goat. Please remember that while you are visiting Spokane International Airport …”