Joker: ‘Just Tell Them To Sign’

Here’s a fictional scenario. If the characters have any resemblance to actual people it is purely coincidental. Stan entered the Recall offices and an elderly lady resembling his great grandmother greeted him. “Hello. Are you here to sign the recall?” The 16-year-old was a little nervous – this was his first job interview. “Uh no, I am here about the job.” The old woman smiled and motioned him to a door. “Right in there young man. Everyone is waiting for you.” Stan opened the door and saw three people who said they were Mary, Frank and Kathy. “Hello Stan,” Frank said. “We’re so glad you came. Let’s get right to it. We have some questions for you.” Stan sat down and immediately Mary spoke up. “Stan, we prefer you stand during the interview. You’re going to be on your feet a lot.” Stan apologized for the error in protocol and he began to feel flushed. “Do you know who Ronald Reagan is?” Kathy said. More below.

Stan, “He was some actor from a long time ago?”

Kathy’s smiled disappeared. “And?”

Stan, “I dunno.”

Frank spoke, “It’s ok son. It’s not your fault. The liberal school system is to blame. You got half of the question right.”

Mary asked, “Do you play baseball or use McEuen Park.”

Stan was relieved. “Oh yeah, my friends and I play down there all the time. It’s great. I love it.”

The interviews nodded in approval.

“Have you ever had intimate relations with anyone outside of marriage?”
Stan turned bright red and he began to stammer. “I don’t have a girlfriend. I am only 16.”
Mary whispered into Frank’s ear. “Ask him if he’s gay.”
Frank shook his head in disapproval.

“Stan would you be willing to undergo an extensive background check?” Frank asked.

Stan’s eyes grew larger, “Uh ok. But you’re not going to share that with my parents are you?”

Mary, “Is that a problem Stan? What are you hiding?”

Stan, “Nothing, I mean, I’ve done some stuff, but nothing serious.”
Kathy fired back a reply, “What kind of stuff?”
Stan, “I cut classes a couple of times and my cousin and I threw cherry bombs down a manhole cover.”

Frank, “Not serious?”
Stan was growing slightly annoyed. “I am just looking for a job to get some extra spending money this summer. I’ve gone door to door for my church before.”

As if by magic, all the frowns and scowls disappeared.
“You’re hired,” the group said in unison.
Frank asked, “When can you start, we’ve got a lot of signatures to get.”
Stan then mentioned he had a buddy from church who also was looking for a job. Kathy was overjoyed, “Great. It’s so hard to get qualified people. Tell him to get in here right away.”

Stan asked, “Do I get training? What do I say?”
Mary smiled broadly. “You don’t have to say a thing. This town hates our mayor and council. Just tell them to sign.”