The Slice: You can start by striking any key

Did you know you can identify distinct personality types by the particular key that sticks on a person’s keyboard?

Doubt it? Well, maybe if we take it key by key and you are forced to acknowledge the uncanny accuracy of these summaries, you will change your tune.

OK, here are the sticking keys and what they say about a person.

A: Coasting on your looks. B: Obsessively nap-oriented. C: Easy, X-rated sense of humor.

D: Chronic bed hair and loving it. E: Favorite aunt. F: You are compassionate.

G: Tartar sauce issues. H: You don’t fight fair. I: Great listener.

J: Channeling your inner grizzly. K: You reflect Spokane at its best. L: Online anger is your hobby.

M: Is your hoarding gene your destiny? N: You think about sex a lot. O: Suspiciously confident.

P: Inconsiderate jerk. Q: Quiet when sober. R: Surreal patience with young kids.

S: You like wearing those tight tops. T: Passive regressive. U: Sensitive yet forceful.

V: Idealistic naysayer. W: Mostly a cat person. X: Insecure but at least you know it.

Y: Gifted enabler. Z: Compulsive snacker. 1: Nightmarish people person.

2: Drama dowager countess. 3: Piece of work. 4: Emotional black hole.

5: Analytical yet kind. 6: Brutally fluffy. 7: Recreational truth teller.

8: Attitudinally stumpy. 9: Yogurt snob. &: Addicted to sunglasses.

*: You believe you are Spokane’s gift to widows. %: Defensiveness issues. #: Mutterer.

=: It would help if you were a little smarter. ): Your tardiness gets old. ^: Humble yet grating.

?: Have turned time wasting into performance art. /: Generous spirit. +: Melancholy but your hair smells good.

;: You are Coeur d’Alene’s answer to blue moods. }: Proud of being a girly girl. <: You have perfected denial.

{: Compulsive gardener. _: Young but not stupid. ~: Your sentimental side is charming.

All other keys: Making the case for sedation.

Today’s Slice question: How would you describe the sound the Spokane River makes as it churns through downtown during peak-flow periods in the spring?

I’ll award a few coveted reporter’s notebooks on this one.