Traffic signs in Spokane?

You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of utter loss of mind. There’s a new digitized signpost up ahead! Your next stop: the Blight-Light Zone!

Yes, in another intuitive and highly efficient use of federal and local tax dollars ($1.6 million), our beloved City Council has voted to install nine large computerized signs at strategic locations along Division Street, Maple Street, Country Homes Boulevard and Third Avenue! Why? To improve Spokane’s curbside aesthetics, warn unsuspecting motorists of our Seattle-like, bumper-to-bumper traffic congestion, and provide additional redundancy for all our personal GPS navigation devices.

Gosh, we might actually need these enormous electronic eyesores for 20 minutes, once every other full moon or so! Perhaps the energy-sucking reader boards can be used the remaining 99.9 percent of the time to post daily inspirational messages such as “Avoid Congestion: Use Nozilla Nasal Spray,” or “Money for Nothing, Potholes Fixed for Free,” all courtesy of our obviously illuminated elected officials, scintillating city engineering department and road-radiating Regional Transportation Council.

Dave Ayres

Spokane