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DanG: The GOP purity card

By D.F. Oliveria daveo@spokesman.com(509) 319-0354

In today’s Beck wants GOP blessing before candidates appear on ballot thread, Dan Gookin pens a scenario in which candidate Bob hopes to run for the Legislature.

BOB: Hi, I’m Bob Smith, and I’d like to run for the Legislature as a Republican.

GOP: I see, Mr. Smith. Do you have your GOP Purity Card?

BOB: Yes, it’s right here. As you can see, I’m a fourth generation Republican and everyone in my immediate family is registered Republican, even our 4-month-old.

GOP: Very good.

BOB: Great! Then I can submit my paperwork?

GOP: Perhaps. [pause] I do have a small concern.

BOB: Yes?

GOP: I see your sister married a man who is in the teacher’s union?

BOB: [thinks] Oh! Bill. He’s my brother-in-law. Yes, he’s in the teacher’s union, but he’s a Republican.

GOP: Is he?

Scenario continues below. So if being “Republican enough” is tricky what do you have to do to be “Democratic enough” in Idaho?

BOB: Yes. True blue. I mean red. True red.

GOP: According to NSA leaked documents, your brother-in-law was seen riding in a Prius.

BOB: Okay.

GOP: A Prius with an Obama ‘08 sticker on the bumper.

BOB: My brother-in-law did not vote for Obama.

GOP: Are you so sure?

BOB: Absolutely!

GOP: How about non-partisan races? Has your brother-in-law — or anyone in your immediate family — ever voted for a Democrat in a non-partisan race?

BOB: How? How would I know that?

GOP: You don’t want us to revoke your Purity Card, do you?

BOB: Wait a second! This has nothing to do with my wanting to run for office. I believe I’d be a good Republican legislator. I believe in Republican values!

GOP: We have our doubts.

BOB: Enough then! I’ll run as an independent.

GOP Good luck with that.

* This story was originally published as a post from the blog "Huckleberries Online." Read all stories from this blog