The Slice: Christmas sweaters are no laughing matter

I’m concerned about where all these ugly Christmas sweaters are going to wind up when they are no longer trendy.

But before getting to that, a little background.

I used to have a habit of saying something to strangers wearing apparel adorned with the logos of sports teams (college or pro). Often my cheerful remark would be greeted with a baffled or even hostile expression. It was as if I had said something rude or mocking.

Eventually I figured out — or perhaps it was pointed out to me — that many of the people I was speaking to were, in all likelihood, wearing donated clothes. They had no more connection to the Miami Dolphins or University of Michigan Wolverines than they did to the man on the moon.

So, in that context, some squinting guy responding to my “Roll Tide!” or “Hook ’em Horns!” with “What?” makes perfect sense.

I like to think this was more a case of me not judging people by their appearance than it was pure naivete. In any case, I stopped hailing those ensconced in sports-team apparel, at least those sitting outside the STA Plaza.

Now, though, I’m worried that garish Christmas sweaters will soon wear out their welcome and be given away to social service programs. And I fear that they will start showing up on some of Spokane’s less fortunate citizens.

OK, that, in and of itself, would not be so awful. We all want everyone to be warm this winter. But looking at this from a purely selfish standpoint, I have a concern.

What if my irrepressible good nature trumps what I learned about sports-team apparel? What if I can’t help but acknowledge people in these second-hand yule garments?

“My, don’t you look festive and zany!”

“Hey, there’s a jolly old elf!”

“Did you lose a bet there, Burl Ives?”

Naturally, these cheerful greetings are apt to be returned with malevolent stares or grumbled assertions that I am ridiculing the homeless.

But maybe I will be able to keep my mouth shut.

There’s always a first time.

Today’s Slice question: Do you have a good “Only I didn’t say fudge” story?