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The Slice: Octogenarian calls end to driving days

Here’s a note from 86-year-old Janet Shaffer.

“Dear Mr. Turner,

“I thought perhaps you could put a little announcement in your column that will make some Valley people happy.

“Here it is: My Christmas gift to the people of Spokane Valley is the fact that as of Christmas day, I am quitting driving after 63 years on the highways. I’ve never run over anyone or caused an accident but I want to stop with a clean record.”

Shaffer, who taught school for 35 years, is doing this of her own accord. No one is twisting her arm.

The Slice salutes her.

She lives in a retirement community that shuttles residents to appointments and what not. And she has a significantly younger brother in town. “I’ll get along fine,” she said.

Her car will go to a grandson in college.

Ask for a performance: There are librarians who can really pour on the mock horror when doing an impression of Clarence the angel telling George Bailey that Mary is “just about to close up the library!”

Here’s a question: How will you be dressed when the ambulance takes you away? Donna Clellen shared her story.

“Over the years, my nighttime sleepwear has become a strange assortment of freaky leftovers — just because they are comfortable. I’ve often wondered what others would think if I had to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. I’m sure I’m not alone on this.”

Well, one night last month Clellen had a heart attack in the middle of the night. But as it happened, she had elected to wear some perfectly presentable pajamas that night.

“I felt better just knowing I didn’t look like a clown. I’m back home now, recovering and reviewing my PJs drawer. Hope not to have a replay.”

Slice answer: “Are men capable of keeping track of family birthdays?” wrote Lisa Giegel. “Not if there is a woman around to do it for them.”

Favorite misheard Christmas lyric: “Sleep in heavenly peas.” — Scotty Davis

Today’s Slice question: How do you look in a Santa hat?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509)459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Some people never get to stay long at a party at a friend’s home because they are married to men or women allergic to pets.

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