The Slice: Maybe it’s time to put the gloves on

Here’s my latest idea for a second career.

I’d like to bring the ORI back to Spokane, this time for civilians.

Back during the Cold War, personnel attached to the Air Force’s Strategic Air Command used to sweat out the prospect of surprise performance evaluations. These were known as Operational Readiness Inspections. (Some said Organizational Readiness Inspections.)

The report cards filled out by the notoriously unforgiving inspection teams could make or break military careers.

Well, here’s my concept.

You know how, when company is coming, you work hard to get your home in presentable shape? Sure.

And then, after the company leaves, someone always says, “We ought to keep it looking this nice.”

Of course, that seldom happens. Most of us lapse back into our, uh, relaxed ways – until the next visit looms.

So what could snap us out of that nerve-wracking cycle of frenzied cleaning and housekeeping backsliding?

I’ll tell you: The prospect of an ORI.

Here’s how it would work.

Forward-thinking Spokane families would sign up for my affordable white-glove service. Then, once every six weeks or so, I would show up unannounced and scrutinize their dwellings.

With my checklist attached to an official ORIs R Us clipboard, I would inspect your place for its readiness to be the site of a party, entertain dinner guests or host a visiting relative for a few days.

Knowing that I might drop in at any time would motivate families to keep their homes in reasonably tidy shape. Then, when they know company is coming, a final spruce-up would be a stress-free breeze.

Areas for inspection would vary from home to home. But there would be some common themes.

What is that smell?

Can something be done about these blood-like stains?

Might we have at least a few square feet of surface area not covered with stacks of magazines, catalogs and old mail?

Will your visitors be using the bathroom or will you be requesting that they hold it? And so on.

Discounts would be available for those who pay in advance.

Today’s Slice question: Where did you drop your phone?