The Slice: Tippecanoe and Turner, too

It’s OK to admit it.

You have never had a desire to run for an elected office. But there is one particular aspect of political campaigning that strikes you as intriguing.

Yes, it might have been fun to appear in one of those gag-reflex TV commercials in which you are walking along with a hyper-diverse group of true believers gazing at you with adoring expressions.

Most of us do not experience that in real life. That’s because it does not happen in real life.

But in these laughable commercials for candidates, the voters strolling along with the politician seem under some sort of spell. And it might be kind of a kick to be on the receiving end of such worshipful looks, even if they are 100 percent scripted.

Why, I can almost hear the director talking as we shoot my own 30-second spot at Riverfront Park.

“OK, soccer mom, remember that you are blown away by Paul’s common-sense solutions to the challenges facing your middle-class family. And, you, black guy on the right, don’t forget to keep nodding in agreement. The look we’re going for is: ‘Yes, yes, it all makes sense to me now.’ One more thing. The Asian gentleman in the hard hat needs to smile more and project a sense of blissful epiphany. In that last take, you looked like you suspected Paul is just one more lying egomaniac gladhander running for office. All right, people. Let’s go again. Remember, Paul will solve all your problems and make all your dreams come true. He’s the man for us. Let’s see that in your faces. And soccer mom, see if you can project a hint of ‘I’d totally do him.’ OK, Paul. We start with you pointing the way to a bold, exciting future.”

Slice answer: Gary Polser said Spokane’s best-dressed workplace is Fairchild Air Force Base.

What to say to a raccoon: Awakened in the middle of the night by noises from out by the pool, Richard Welch wound up using a long-pole net to fish a baby raccoon out of the water. But instead of heading to its family waiting nearby, the wet rodent strode toward Welch. “I’m not your daddy,” he said to the advancing raccoon.

Today’s Slice question: About what category of esoterica are you an expert?