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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Do you take ‘A’ to be your answer?

It’s multiple-choice time, which should not be confused with Howdy Doody time.

What crosses your mind when you hear the expression “wedding season”? A) The link between hope and troth plighting. B) Do you purchase a tag for that or do they still call it a certificate? C) I think about how bachelor parties and bridal showers could be improved.

D) The “Love Boat” theme. “Love … exciting and new …” E) I think about a wedding to which I am invited and wonder if there is a Las Vegas line on the marriage lasting a year. F) I feel the bubbling bile of a powerful urge to regift.

G) I think of the lisping cleric officiating at the wedding in “The Princess Bride.” “And wuv, twoo wuv, will fowow you foweva …” H) “I’d turn back if I were you.” I) I think about how it would have been cool to get hitched beneath the recent blood moon.

J) I think about young brides who view a big, expensive wedding as a chance to be the star of a show and then I sigh. K) I think about my various marriages. L) I think about the wedding scene in “The Best Years of Our Lives.”

M) I think about how sometimes everything works out. N) I think about Manito Park. O) That one episode of “Modern Family” where the little girl starts dropping F bombs during the nuptials.

P) My mind goes back to the time I was a best man. Q) I wonder if they still ask if anyone present objects. R) I think about certain scenes in “The Wedding Crashers.”

S) Intimate social congress. T) The time I made a spectacle of myself at a reception with that ribald toast. U) I recall some memorable self-written vows and struggle to suppress a smile.

V) I picture showing up at some random wedding, going up to the church balcony and yelling “Elaine! Elaine!” W) A certain bridesmaid’s dress from 1984. X) The challenge facing stepchildren.

Y) I hope most couples know the difference between real people and handsome vampires/swimsuit models. Z) Other.

Today’s Slice question: What’s the secret to a happy marriage?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Someone watching the skies over Spokane for decades and decades would have seen just about every kind of American-made airplane except …

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