Doug Clark: Weigh your summer’s excitement on the thrill index

Is your summer a box-office bonanza like “Ant Man”?

Or does it blow chunks like Adam Sandler in, well, name an Adam Sandler movie.

Take the seventh annual “Summer Excitement Quiz” and find out while you still can.

Sad to say, but those hazy crazy days of summer are disappearing faster than respect for Airway Heights Mayor Patrick Rushing.

The coming of fall is even beginning to weigh on downtown panhandlers who have been spotted carrying signs saying, “Will Work for Apple Cup Tickets.”

So simply circle the answers that best represent your STI or “Summertime Thrill Index.” We’ll psychoanalyze your scores at the end of our test.

1. The biggest thrill I had this summer was …

A. Traveling America’s highways. (2 moist towelettes)

B. Camping in the Great Northwest. (5 moist towelettes)

C. Forming a bus station honor guard and waiting for Kennewick Man’s remains to roll in. (10 moist towelettes)

2. You could tell that summer 2015 was an election year in the Lilac City because of all the …

A. Re-elect Condon for Mayor TV spots. (2 moist towelettes)

B. Re-elect Condon for Mayor yard signs. (5 moist towelettes)

C. Loud wailing sobs coming from the Lichty for Mayor campaign. (10 moist towelettes)

3. This summer’s most exciting science news had to be …

A. Those amazingly clear photos of Pluto. (2 moist towelettes)

B. The discovery of a new Earthlike planet. (5 moist towelettes)

C. International Space Station astronauts smoking their first crop of space lettuce. (10 moist towelettes)

4. Hot? July was so infernally hot that …

A. Burning bans were everywhere. (2 moist towelettes)

B. Illegal cherry bomb business slowed to a crawl. (5 moist towelettes)

C. Mike Fagan briefly considered lifting his crackdown on “anal cleft” exposure. (10 moist towelettes)

5. This summer’s biggest shock came from …

A. Rachel Dolezal not knowing if she’s black. (2 moist towelettes)

B. Rachel Dolezal not knowing if she’s white. (5 moist towelettes)

C. Rachel Dolezal sure knowing how to get an agent. (10 moist towelettes)

6. Choose the word that best fits: Thanks to (blank), I got myself in better shape this summer.

A. Thanks to “golf.” (2 moist towelettes)

B. Thanks to “tennis.” (5 moist towelettes)

C. Thanks to “jogging – back and forth across that Bridge to Hookerville.” (10 moist towelettes)

7. Summer is a great time for giving back, such as …

A. Volunteering at the food bank. (2 moist towelettes)

B. Serving meals at a senior center. (5 moist towelettes)

C. Sharing your snarky half-baked opinions on some website day after day with all the other online cranks. (10 moist towelettes)

8. Without a doubt, the scariest situation you could find yourself in this summer would be …

A. Riding the Aftershock coaster at Silverwood. (2 moist towelettes)

B. Playing a zombie during a “Z Nation” TV episode. (5 moist towelettes)

C. Brawling with bickering pickers in some North Idaho huckleberry patch. (10 moist towelettes)

9. This summer might be the driest on record due to …

A. The drought. (2 moist towelettes)

B. Global warming. (5 moist towelettes)

C. Do the math: 17 Republican presidential candidates. Plus five Democrats. Equals: All that hot air has to go somewhere. (10 moist towelettes)

OK, let’s tabulate our towelette totals.

A score of 18 suggests that you are the type of person who never drives above the speed limit and always laughs at jokes but never tells any.

Scoring between 18 and 50 means you have the potential for making the rest of the summer something special. So get out there and rob a pharmacy or something!

A score of over 95 shows your mind is a running margarita blender minus the lid. And you can’t count. Throw a party and I’ll attend.