The Slice: One more paper pusher rendered obsolete

Here’s a back-to-school item to help get you in the mood for September.

“The homework excuse has been upgraded for the tech generation,” wrote Debbie Kijima, a Spokane elementary school teacher.

A student came into her fifth grade classroom and informed Debbie she hadn’t been able to complete her research assignment.

“My mom broke the Internet,” said the girl.

Um, OK.

“No more blaming the poor dog,” wrote Debbie.

Re: Tuesday’s Slice: “Some years ago I lost a loved one,” wrote Sheila Wood. “What I marveled at then, and still do now when I recall those dark days, is how something so seemingly simple as a hug was what helped. It was so fundamental, that pressure of another’s arms around me. I’ll never forget it, and when I know that I might risk trivializing another’s tragedy with words, I hold that person in my arms.”

Slice answers: “My bedroom was a gathering place for nighttime moths – the big ones,” wrote Kath’ren Bay-Higdon. “(To an 8-year-old, they are all big.) One night, after being tucked in and lights out, I gave a big yawn and felt fluttering against my lips. Before I could shut my mouth it had worked its way inside.

“I quickly determined it was moving and it seemed stuck to the inside of my cheek. I knew that if I called for help it would kill me for sure. I was not willing to stick my fingers in my mouth to fight it for fear of a battle of unknown icky proportions. Nor was I willing to have my tongue touch it any further.

“Would it bite me? Would its juices poison me? The only solution was to swallow it whole, which I did.”

She went to sleep wondering if she would survive until morning. One of her takeaways: Never yawn in the dark without covering your mouth.

Of course, bugs can find their way into your mouth without flying.

Dian Zahner knows. “I remember as a kid, I picked an apple from a tree, bit into it, and then looked and discovered a half-eaten worm from which I had bitten. Ugh.”

Today’s Slice question: What sort of event would it describe if “fest” got tacked onto your last name?