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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Everybody’s heard about the bird

Today The Slice presents the transcript of an interview with one of the first eagles of the season to set up camp at an Inland Northwest lake.

You won’t believe what this big bird had to say.

Q: Do you have a name?

A: Yes, but you couldn’t pronounce it.

Q: Why do you come to this area every year?

A: It’s near nature.

Q: So you enjoy fresh fish. Ever tried tartar sauce?

A: No. Have you ever tried not smoking a joint before conducting an interview?

Q: Do other birds admire you?

A: Hey, symbol of enduring freedom here. What’s not to admire?

Q: What do you think of Coeur d’Alene?

A: The name makes no sense to me. But the people are pretty genuine.

Q: Any tips for photographers?

A: Yes. Don’t crowd me.

Q: How close is too close?

A: A minimum half-mile buffer sounds about right.

Q: What do you think about people setting up a video camera at a nest site?

A: That’s OK, so long as you realize the birds are going to ham it up.

Q: Do you root for sports teams called the Eagles?

A: Yes, but that football field at EWU hurts my powerful eyes.

Q: Did you like the classic rock band named after you guys?

A: I dug that lyric, “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.” Creatures incapable of flight must feel that way.

Q: Do the eagles in your circle do a Secret Santa thing?

A: We used to, but it just ended up being a pain in the tail feathers.

Q: What do you think of certain native people’s claims that they have a right to hunt you in order to acquire ceremonial feathers?

A: Look, pal. These are not ceremonial. I happen to be using mine.

Q: Would you ever consider retiring in Idaho?

A: Have you seen how people behave on these lakes in the summer? Too much noise.

Q: Ever wear sunglasses?

A: Don’t need ’em. What’s cooler than a bird of prey?

Today’s Slice question: Do you sometimes get the names of Santa’s reindeer confused with Snow White’s seven dwarfs?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. A few gift boxes from The Crescent get pressed into service once again at this time of year.

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