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The Slice: Without the ice, their tempers boil
I have a theory about why you might have noticed an uptick in the frequency and intensity of your neighbors’ backyard swearing.
What you are hearing from the other side of the fence, in at least some instances, is the vocalized exasperation of would-be builders of ice rinks.
You see, it’s kind of hard to establish and maintain a decent skating surface when freezing temperatures are absent without leave.
The calendar might say it is winter, but you cannot blame local rink builders if they find themselves wanting a refund.
But who do you call when a season is a no-show?
Yes, we had some cold temps last fall. Still, for the most part, that weather came and went before backyard hockey players and figure skaters were ready to construct their rinks.
Now that we are in the middle of winter, well, I don’t have to tell you.
To hear some people tell it, absolutely everyone around here has enjoyed the record-breaking warm weather of late. That is not quite true.
So if you hear the neighbor boy out in his backyard cussing up a storm, it just might be that you are listening to a commentary on our mild weather. Or if you overhear one of his parents quietly uttering an off-color oath, it could be that Mom or Dad is out back staring at a shallow pond where a glistening ice surface should be.
Can’t blame them, really. This is supposed to be a four-season climate, not 3.25.
Of course, I’m sure more than a few aspiring rink builders address Mother Nature in respectful terms. But it’s probably the same message.
When will we get to build our ice rinks? When Spokane freezes over.
Slice answer: “A fairly common identity verification question is ‘What was the make of your first car?’ ” wrote Gary W. Smith. “My best fake answer would be ‘Ferrari.’ ”
Warm-up question: What did you learn about love and devotion from being around elderly couples in failing health?
Today’s Friday the 13th Slice question: Is there a line from a classic horror movie that sums up your feelings about Valentine’s Day?