The Slice: Spokane woman has her moments

Got to thinking about it and have to admit I gave short shrift to “Spokane woman” in Friday’s column about the misadventures of “Spokane man” as revealed through targeted searches of the S-R’s digital archives.

So let me attempt to make amends. What has “Spokane woman” been up to lately?

Well, she “allegedly stole a woman’s purse and stabbed a witness.”

Hey, girls will be girls.

Of course, she also “faces a robbery charge after police say she punched two Rite Aid employees and tried to break open a package of knives she is accused of trying to steal.”

What a coquette. How demure. That lively minx.

Spokane woman’s charm offensive also included being arrested “after she threw a brick through the driver’s-side window of an unmarked police car.”

I’m picturing the young Audrey Hepburn. How about you?

But it didn’t all go down like that for Spokane woman. No, it should be noted that she “attended one of the school’s presentations on assistive technologies.”

So there’s that.

And let us not forget that she was “a sexiest vegan over 50 finalist.”

Can “Seattle woman” or “Boise woman” say the same? I don’t know. Maybe they can.

Still, Spokane woman has had a hard time staying out of trouble. Like the time we read that her “insurance license has been revoked after an investigation determined that she embezzled more than $50,000 from her employer.”

Not especially ladylike. But a case could be made that Spokane woman, apart from exercising questionable judgment several thousand times, has been the victim of unbelievably bad luck.

Consider, for instance, the time she “suffered chemical burns and minor injuries when an explosive device detonated inside a portable toilet during a Saturday softball tournament in a Portland suburb.”

Good grief. Nobody deserves that.

Sort of makes you think Spokane woman might be well-advised to stick closer to home.

Today’s Slice question: Did you have braces on your teeth? What memory of that period stands out?