Arrow-right Camera
Go to e-Edition Sign up for newsletters Customer service
Subscribe now

This column reflects the opinion of the writer. Learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column.

Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Well, I do declare

Paul Turner is taking some time off this summer. In his absence, we’re diving into the archives here at Slice Central. Today, we revisit July 23, 2012.

Not all that long ago I declared in print that it never gets humid here.

Spokane then proceeded to have some of the most humid weather I can recall since moving here in the 1980s.

And it wasn’t just my imagination. “We have been much more humid than what I would expect,” said John Livingston of the National Weather Service.

I still believe it’s worth noting that we are a long, long way from major league muggy here. If I had it to do over again, though, I might add a few more qualifiers before writing that.

But this whole thing has me wondering.

What if I secretly possess some secret ability to influence events in a reverse way? What if my uttering a simple declaration has the power to make the opposite happen?

I ran this theory by a couple of my female Today section colleagues. “Maybe I should write that Heidi Klum never hangs out at my desk,” I said.

They laughed. With me, I think.

Perhaps the best way to test this is to go ahead and make some sweeping statements and then sit back and watch for the results.

OK, here goes. I’ll start with half a dozen declarations.

A lot of people in Spokane believe that spitting on sidewalks is an excellent way to assert the vibrancy of their personalities.

Big-deal recording artists still on the way up never schedule concerts in Spokane.

People in the Inland Northwest demand social conformity and cannot tolerate lifestyle diversity.

GU is never going to make it to the Final Four.

Many people here regard being poor as a moral failure.

Everyone in Spokane assumes that driving a car doesn’t require their full attention.

Today’s Slice question: We all know how people running for public office tend to inflate their accomplishments. Well, if you were a political candidate, what’s something for which you might take credit even though it’s a ridiculous stretch?

Here’s an example. I’ve always thought that if I ever ran for office, I would stick the following line on my campaign junk mail.

“I have a long track record of protecting families and saving lives. While I was a crossing guard in sixth grade, not one child was run over by a car on my watch.”

OK, your turn.

More from this author