Arrow-right Camera
Go to e-Edition Sign up for newsletters Customer service
Subscribe now

This column reflects the opinion of the writer. Learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column.

Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Time spent in line competes with amount of dollars spent

Paul Turner is taking some time off this summer. In his absence, we dive into the archives here at Slice Central. Today we revisit July 25, 2008. Look for new columns to resume next month.

A lot of people around here enjoy water sports.

And there are plenty of area residents who like camping.

But I think the Inland Northwest’s No. 1 summertime pastime is driving past Silverwood and offering commentary on the Highway 95 theme park’s appeal.

These assessments tend to fall into about a dozen categories. Go ahead and see where you fit in.

The Yearner: “Oh, look! How fun! When can we go there again?”

The Updater: “Well, I see they’ve got their new Idaho Impaler up and running. Wonder what would happen to that during an earthquake.”

The Scoffer: “You couldn’t pay me enough to get me to go in there.”

The Person Who Always Tells the Same Story about Throwing Up in 1973: “Seeing that reminds me of the time I was at the Crabb County Fair and Bill Johnson and I went on the Vominator right after wolfing down some cotton candy and chili dogs.”

The Disdainer: “All this natural beauty around here and that’s where people want to go and stand in line?”

The One-Upsman: “You call that a rollercoaster? Why, I rode one at Six Flags Over Fresno that makes this one look like nap-time at the day care.”

The Pragmatist: “Well, it’s probably good for the local economy.”

The Analyst: “I guess we have become so numbed by life’s daily outrages and degradations that we have to shock ourselves with simulated near-death experiences to feel anything anymore.”

The Border Guard: “Best to steer clear of there on the weekend. That’s when all the welfare thugs from Spokane come over.”

The Old-School Dad: “Forget Sweatwood. If you kids want to see something really scary, you’re welcome to join me next time I’m writing checks to pay your cell phone bills.”

The Alarmist: “Hey, I think I just saw a kid fall off the Regurgitator!”

The Sarcastic Teen Who Hasn’t been Impressed with Anything in Five Years: “Looks thrilling.”

The Inland Northwesterner: “I hear it’s kind of spendy.”

Long-gone ballparks: In the spring of 1957, Moses Lake’s Albert Anderson saw the Yankees play the Dodgers in an exhibition game at Ebbets Field in Brooklyn. He recalls being disappointed that Duke Snider didn’t play.

Sounds of summer: Rick Jones remembers that mothers used to have differing styles when summoning kids in for the night. “Some moms yodeled a special call, some beckoned with referee whistles, some called by name. It was mortifying to be the first one called in.”

More from this author