Doug Clark: Take our county commissioner, please

To Whom It May Confound:

Please consider this an open letter of recommendation for the advancement of Spokane County Commissioner Todd Mielke.

I write in hope of helping “The Milkman,” as he is lovingly known by friends, turn around his so-far luckless quest to land himself a pompous, high-paying job beyond the strain and stain of county government.

To paraphrase the late-great Henny Youngman…

“Take my commissioner, please!”

All levity aside, I couldn’t have more faith in the Republican commissioner’s leadership skills, especially in the areas of motorsport money-pit management or racetrack sleight of hand.

Mielke is a Boy Scout: clean, reverent and thrifty – as long it doesn’t involve taxpayer money, of course.

I’m so committed to this politician’s relocation effort that I’m willing to help him pack, loan him bus fare and show him the door.

Whatever it takes to help the commissioner travel, preferably far away on his next exciting new adventure.

That’s me hollering, “Bon voyage, Todd. Adieu! Adieu!”

But let’s be honest. As a potential employer, you’re no doubt aware of the commissioner’s well-publicized job hunt disappointments.

To paraphrase TV’s Norm Peterson…

“Sometimes it’s a dog’s world and you’re wearing Milk-Bone underwear.”

Last spring, everybody thought Mielke had it greased to acquire retiring Marshall Farnell’s $160,000-a-year post as Spokane County CEO.

The shallowest of candidate searches produced Mielke as the top finalist, go figure.

And who would make the hiring decision? Why, none other than Mielke’s two Republican commission cronies: Al French and Shelly O’Quinn.

There hasn’t been a sweeter fix since the 1919 World Series.

Or so it seemed until, at the last minute, French scuttled the deal in a positively shocking display of conscience.

“My chapter is done with the current makeup of the board,” remarked Mielke.

Or to paraphrase the late-great George Gobel…

“Sometimes the world’s a black tuxedo and you’re a pair of brown shoes.”

Things took another turn of the screw when Mielke tossed his resume into the mix to become Franklin County’s top administrator.

Franklin County seemed a perfect fit for Mielke, mainly since it’s 135 miles down the road.

But Franklin County engaged a recruiting firm, perhaps proving French might’ve known what he was doing.

Whatever the case, Mielke wasn’t called for an interview.

And as long as we’re airing missed opportunities, there were some who thought Mielke would be perfect to fill the CEO vacancy at Greater Spokane Incorporated.

Then the GSI had to go and hire some smart aleck with real credentials.

But failure is the springboard for hope.

At least that’s what the Seattle Mariners keep telling themselves.

The point is that there is no reason to not make Mielke your Next Big Thing.

The time to act is now. Hire the Milkman. Seriously. Voters can’t take another mortifying commission meeting like the one that boiled over the other day.

Far be it from me to regurgitate gossip. But French publicly raised the issue that Mielke and O’Quinn might be enjoying some sort of “relationship that’s outside the Board of County Commissioners. So when they’re seen, either in the evenings or on weekends, there’s a question about, are they talking about county business or not.”

I have no idea if there’s any truth to this. I don’t even want to know.

I have enough trouble keeping up with the Kardashians.

On the other hand, if true this could be a real boon to any prospective employer who might be getting two for the price of one.

With warmest regards,

Doug

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by email at dougc@spokesman.com.