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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: To hear sleigh bells, et cetera

You’re probably wondering.

How much is your life like the song “White Christmas”?

Specifically, are your days, in fact, “merry and bright”?

As we get close to Christmas and contemplate our inner Spokaneness, it’s a fair question.

So let’s look at 10 holiday scenarios and rate them on a 1-10 Merry & Bright scale (with 10 being exceedingly M&B).

1. You’re in a grocery store and the shopper in front of you at the dairy case grabs the last two cartons of eggnog. Seeing that you were wanting some eggnog yourself, the other shopper looks at you and says “Too bad.”

Merry & Bright score: 2.

2. You’re at a Christmas tree lot on its last day of operation. The pickings are slim. You ask if they might have a little Charlie Brown tree somewhere on the premises. A guy named Lou says, “Yeah, but it’ll cost ya.”

Merry & Bright score: 5.

3. You are thinking of attending midnight Mass and ask another couple if they would like to join you. They seem excited and one of them asks “Are you allowed to bring in liquor?”

Merry & Bright score: 3.

4. You get the results from a blood workup and see that your fudge count is high.

Merry & Bright score: 6.

5. You find yourself beneath some mistletoe as someone who reminds you of the movie monster Gamera heads your way.

Merry & Bright score: 1.

6. Your son is in a church Christmas pageant. A Jewish friend of his is visiting your apartment. You overhear your son telling that friend about the pageant.

Then your son asks him, “What does your family do on your religious holidays?”

Merry & Bright score: 10.

7. Your brother-in-law sends you a text in which he asserts that Bing Crosby grew up in California. You smile and begin your reply.

Merry & Bright score: 7.

8. You are a 20-year-old temp at a shop in a local mall when this destabilizingly attractive shopper walks in. You imagine a Hallmark Channel holiday movie starring the two of you.

Merry & Bright score: 5.

9. Your cat climbs the Christmas tree but can’t get down. You call for the Jaws of Life. It gets down.

Merry & Bright score: 6.

10. You overhear family members whispering about your present. They are giddy with excitement.

You smile and bite your lip. You’ve already received a gift.

Merry & Bright score: 10.

Today’s Slice question: How does your family make your late December birthday special?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Which are harder: Christmas cookies or diamonds?

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